Thursday, 23 October 2014

I’M UNLIKE MY MOTHER


Her wild radiant smile still sits there where nobody expects Spectacular- She trucks through the empty, abandoned route Her hope carried in a broken vase Majestically she buds wildly from pain There comes a tear,struck from my hungry eyes Puzzled by our many troubles, yet she’s not swung I tried plucking strength from my weeded heart I tried But she is different- from her golden weeded heart she smiles Splendid, I’m speechless,wearing a language of unknown These jagged and sorrowful days Of April Rich and ripe with pain Ails my smile,kills my happiness I’m a traitor, I don’t see the beauty of life Uninterested in love I lay in pain The speechlessness drip and ping drop by drop With a roaring-sound again Pain opens its jaws wide I’m afraid I didn’t see the sun at dawn I didn’t grow up from the pain unlike her I mourn and cry,it’s like a career An ill hope rises,now and then I’m unlike her I know myself well,I hear, see quick the signals of distress I start coiling away when it hangs flowery at my chest The dreams explodes I see it before fall At noon I see pain Species parking at my heart The bright clouds beating down on me I rage within my soul sick and aging Blessed by the holy sorrow, no way out I’m unlike her, I don’t sire hope in middle of storm She’s not me, She’s a wild flower that bloom in dark Her strength is my hero Liz Leppy Poetry Copyright © 2014 All Rights Reserved

Thursday, 2 October 2014

YOU LOST THE LOVE THAT LOVED YOU THE MOST.

I woke in a spell of loneliness, the world is empty There are enormous particles of dust lapping at my heart, air gets half in my lungs You stare at me with those deep grey eyes, protruding between those curvy sockets, embroided by dark,heavy shaded brows I shiver at the weight of that stare, trying to shame away these persuasive emotions I have for you My heart has no right You terrorized my heart, haunted my sanity Flawed my every word And vandalized my faith When I needed you the most You stormed me with frowns, that glowed in my face My love for you coud'nt be tamed A grown-man size hurt would visit my heart And the sight of defeat would milk away my breath A shattered glass I would drown in your love Beating myself out of reason And I would watch as my hope die I would go back to the same dream and could see you abandoning me all over again Your kisses arousing a yearning pain And with poor emotions I would flirt around the corners of death, budding in hate But I'm learning to cross my heart I'm learning to let go, I'm learning to cheer myself up I'll raise up my chin and direct my new found smile to him He took away my anger Battered my loneliness and slivered me with brightness I never thought the broken strings of my heart would play magic again Its on fire His tone is the song Go back to where you came from I don't need you any more You lost the love I loved the most Liz Leppy 15/4/2014

SOCIAL MEDIA CURSE.

He is spirited, less exposed to quarrels His main duty is to bring out the best in him, his pride He says he will buy himself off the contract of death, he's moneyed up Look at him, a big star, he lives in the essence of heroism When he raises his bushy eyebrows, the world staggers, but my mouth refuses to chatter I met him on facebook not long ago He's a lover of late night chats, With him positive talks never lasts He is all sexed up And my, the guy can bundle up many lies with big egos He says his wide brain muscles up his confident But I don't see braveness, all I see is an act of cowardice A pack of injustices I see an unstable man Who attack women with delicious sexual offences, paddled up by flirty cases I see a poor man who cheers himself up with criminated illusions He'll never be a man in my visage For he is full covered with self hate And even when he boasts he has never known fear That he is an activist of good riddance, That he can shoulder anger and still remain stable and clear For me the man don't exist He can go for what he wants, his eyes can peer excitedly at my bust in those photos I won't dare blush But I can't stand when he defends his freedom with his tribe This is stupid, he should be dead But I don't need a knife either cuz I'm secure My self control is intact I firmly trust the flowers in my heart, they are dark yet can bloom, I keep watering them with drops of pain from my past One day I'll smash him in a stone And watch as he toss in a painful tone Cause he is just a coward hiding behind a keyboard, a bully, He cream sentences with lies and feeds them to weak women online He is poison fortified by waving charms I pity him for I know the truth But I'll allow him to still wear that fake description For one day I'll unwove his secret and the world will have a sweet laugh 8/7/2014 liz leppy

: You Are MY BASIC

Weeks of thrusting my heart here and there, Many dark, long days, -Unstable soul- Thirsty emotions Ineffective mandates I remember flapping my broken weak wings in disgust , I remember the million times I tried to step fear in the head with a tortured faith, I remember my Confiscated dreams I remember weeks of thousands missteps, of lost chances Doubt will always be a sin, I had to overshadow him with a 'When Jesus say yes' hymn But I'm here soaking in a miracle the power of you I'm grateful as I flow in your goodness I stared at you with a particular attention The miracle molecule exploded on me -I'm happy- Baby smiles The many feelings of feeling quarterly beautiful, irritated, feelings of fabricated compassion, low grown love are gone -You handsomely bailed me out I dared the music, it was half enough There wasn't the basic access to the expression of freedom But you came, pulled me from the cracking glass house, you erased my wanting memories, you balanced me, God you edited my angles and capped me with your love, I know my thank you's won't do but its all I can offer So thank you I'm here breathing a miracle Thank you I'm here sure about tomorrow Thank you God for I'm here Full Complete 12/7/2014 lizleppy

I’M JUST A WOMAN .

Train me to accept pain School me to be a woman with no gain C’mon hit me again I’m just a woman, let your blows rain I’m a woman, I’ll always be second class Tame me with confusion Make darkness win in my heart And my future, crown it with stale I’m not entitled into any happiness I was born in atoms of lack I cheated on my soul to prevail over poverty This was a self destructive fantasy Now chains of pain dangle in my neck Black eyed, bumps in my face I promise I’ll lie to myself till I get over my mind Scarred memory, I won’t tell the truth This is for my family I’ll never fracture their dignity I’ll take this secret to my grave I don’t need to report or take any treatment This is not violence, it’s our way of life I’m just a woman, his wife He has all the rights Liz leppy 15/5/2014

I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU BACK.

Life is happening for me, grapes of lessons, AGAIN, for real, I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU BACK I'm tired been termed wrong, mean,cold, selfish or heartless because I can't love you back. Its so infuriating trying to shape and change an irrational mind with a plastic heart like yours. See love is a natural gift, you can't force it. Stop quilting me for not fulfilling your expectations. You can never fill me up. Even if you dip yourself in the fire of goodness, or bath in the oil of perfection, you can't and will never complete me, I will never LOVE YOU BACK. I refuse to take responsibility on I falling or not not falling in love with you.I refuse to grow in forced feelings. Even if you create a pond of gold and force me to swim, still I will not love you back. Love finds its way to a heart.You can't tame love.You can never script or direct love. Love follows its own roots.It travels to where you least expect.It trashes away pain when it wants. And no love is not wicked, you are the wicked one. Its you who stands in the way of love.Its you who press the wrong buttons on your mind.Its you who let fear of the unknown creeps inside and have the best of you.Its you who let the culture of society steals happiness from you. Helplessness haunted every waking thought of mine. I gave out a big sigh, it was as if the dark clouds were closing up on me. I remember squirming.I remember hating my helplessness.I hated my pain, I hated you blaming me. I roamed in the streets of my mind. I felt my own screams hanging in my throat. I recall my bigger conflicts, you and your fictions.My smile would fade and happiness would fly away.Darkness would drop down on me, I would cry and hug myself. I had no idea how to deal with the helplessness I felt or pain.You accusations always had the best of me. I hated you.I hated when you couldn't snatch my breath away.You always made me feel wrong for not been your mirror, your other half. You slammed the breaks on my dreams.You made sure there was no sign of me as a queen.You made my heart fall to the mud. I hated those days I would shake even though I wasn't cold or it wasn't winter.I hated your smell.I hated your breath.I hated how your brushed your lips on mine. I hated that you never minded my fears, You blew away my views. My thoughts would turn outward,darkness would swing in and occupy a huge space.I really hated you. I remember one bright morning lifting my face to the sun. I had stopped walking and I grinned broadly to the world.The air was fresh I had picked myself up. You were the only man who could talk of love and arouse terror in my soul. Your grip on me brought tension and insecurity. You gave me a cold sweat of fear. But still you inspired me to fight,to say no to you and other roboted thoughts,you had become too much. I had to win for once.I had to empty that ugliness that I felt looming inside of me.I had to pluck away tension from my breath. You had taken me from the edge of freedom and thrown me into a sea of loneliness. My heartbeats were weak. But now my heart is free.I got my own attention.I'm not trapped in your myths. I don't shiver or rushes of emotions don't pack up when I hear the name love. Relief flooded through me, I'm warm.Guiltiness found a crack and escaped. I have learnt my lessons.I will never love you.Love is never forced.It has it own timing. Love chooses, you don't chose who to love.I couldn't order my heart to love you. You were never and never will be the one for me Stop daydreaming. You made me realise marriage is not an achievement. Love alone is not enough in marriage Love can never be bought or sold.Love is sacred. I will never let anybody insult or abuse me in the name of love. I will never ever enter in a relationship to match up to trends or because of pity or any other pity detail. Don't beg, I will never sabotage my future for somebody else or for a favor. I'm my own savior, west or east, I'll face it all, alone. Hate me for not loving you back,but I'm not ashamed for snapping on love right now. My time will come. 8/8/2014 Liz Leppy

WAR ON MY BODY

Clouds and thick darkness circles her Hatred has cheated its way in her heart Fire rushed in and consumed her She’s empty, love melted away from her Shaky, she boats in shame, the lights broke down She’s a room without a roof, she don’t know whom to blame The earth of my body is sad, bursts in annoyance I’m enthroned between demons My land loves injustices My sister, daughter, mother, grandma all are in danger I’m forbidden to talk about this proprietor He is my father, brother, uncle and grandfather Please don’t call him ‘a monster’ I armed myself with strength Streams of pain roaring in my skin I stood in that court of law told them the truth But the judge chose the land, cash and cows He said I’m from the slums needs no rights Worse guilted my tight up skirt I’m defeated with my valleys mantled with pain They gang-raped me, left a hot iron in between my legs They raped my friend and left her in a well They raped her sister and left a coke bottle inside her And her friend was raped, slashed across her face and left for the dead And my little one month cousin is split, the man gave her his penis to suck You’re shock? Your silence is acceptable Our days are crown by cries, waves of turmoil’s shows us wonder Our veins overflow with blame, the dryness of the desert is glad in our hearts They covered our rights with cold and drench our futures in stubborn stains We took showers to soften our hearts and cleanse our bodies But we remain cropped by ridges of pain and enriched by confusion We all talk of death and nobody is willing to sacrifice their egos Nobody is willing to ordain their time save us from crushing tides of memory The world has rejected and withheld its love from us I’m guilty, I love my society where injustice harvest big Women like me have nothing to offer than let darkness shine upon my face Oh shut me up or shoot me and let I be save by the grave The world don’t need me Rape is a fresh aroma, an acceptable product, And hey, I’m just a poor woman, my dignity is for sell, you want some? Liz leppy 15/5/2014

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT YOU .

The remains of yester us still freshly hanging in my mind, Your smile had a perfect look of gold, I'm feeling like the world rolled me out of steam placed into the space I'm feeling like the sun light with all its meaning can't pull me into a piece, I remember exactly that September when I opened the door of my heart in protest Your eyes had colors of a love fire that spread in every way in your high- cheeked face, It struck me, stirred warm intense feelings inside of me, I remember before I held the wheels, I wasn't an inch happy, I couldn't find the oblivion I craved for every time my face was beaten by the wind, I would listen to the sound of my laughter And count the speed of my steps The one who had stolen a kiss before you said I was married to my dreams That I had allowed ambition to overtake love He called me stupid Maybe that's why I couldn't let him in, his kiss was flat, it woke nothing in me, But I let you in, I remember the clouds were very dark, I had lost the touch of life, It was after we left the cinema, after that romantic movie I don't know how it all started, but I remember staring back, deep in your eyes, It was as if your eyes were snatching pain out of me, You lured me into life again as your tongue played with my tongue I remember it was in that moment I learnt how to sob and chuckle all at once, I'll never forget that kiss Do you remember when I would sit in your laps and curl up in your muscular arms? Then you'd remind me of my former self, a girl shaped in bitter principles, I was a damn girl, who wasn't gonna give in to all those feelings that were spinning around inside of me, Even though I knew how deep I had sank, I was still overwhelmed with sourness and coldness of a winter fall I felt like I'd been chosen for pain I would think of love and a semi whizzed past would play across, I did things against love grains Every other word of love from any other man seemed bloody and slurred I always felt knocked around in my worn heart My smile was stained, until that kiss happened, You changed the path of the vein that had cheated in my heart, Love used to be a slang word, pathetic word that was been misused, But now its a reality, you set me on fire and I forgot all the silly memories that kept reeling, You care about my feelings, You don't put up with my blurred mood, but cherish my every inch You are not like him Thats why there can only be you and me We walk between the storm and ride in the aftermath of the wind We chase the light as one We hold in and take a deep breath at every step There is nothing I would change You and me together is what make the word right I believe heaven will not ignore the cries of your broken heart I share in every inch of your September pain I,I need your touch of the rain, I want you back I love you 22/8/2014 Liz Leppy

I REMEMBER US

I'm standing at the beach that stretch along the ocean where we first kissed, I was was visiting an old friend, You were on holiday I remember your first hey, I was spellbound I remember your sweet seductive laugh You called me beautiful I gave you a faint smile, I was afraid to fall for a cute face But you carried this bursting radiant that I couldn't push aside Then I watched love drive in my world The environment was bathing in warm sunlight You stretched to kiss my cheek I shook your hand instead But you still kissed the back of my hand I recall my mind went blank, my mouth sagged I thought you were just one of those crazy lads You took off your shirt for us to go for a dive Oh lord, that was a crime I remember melting, I couldn't get a hold of myself Words of opposing your request were reared in my throat, My lungs had also shrunk And I felt myself fade away to the sun rays of your body The weight of your eyes stole away my balance I found myself flying among the stars, My heart was weaving cobwebs of emotions, The streets of my heart, those one that have always been spotlessly clean now had sounds of love and piles of hope It was at this moment that I felt like it was one last lick of pain And also, I felt very warm raindrops toss in my soul as the love skeletons kept building themselves bigger and stronger A calm curiosity covered in mysterious residues of love-aches flashed I was still afraid But the love soot rose again And I felt myself fade to the unknown again, "Are you alright?" You wrestled me from the scenes I came back from the past ills And the stare of your face toured me to the stars again I remember our days I remember us I hate the winds of war dragging at the back of my heart Each of the days I came to our spot I remember looking at the sky of our beach and I would continue to see the red shadows that danced elegantly in the ceiling of heaven after our first hug I remember the silent words in our oath as we kissed This beach is still us The sky is lighting in the name of our love See that first day, your face was engraved in my mind like photos in instagram, and I would go again and again to remember you once I fancied arrogance and we separated, Insanely, I would caress the strong curve of your smile, I would then feel my heart rise, rise like magical essence It was a hint of love that would surround my heart But I was lame I wasn't blind, I was just too proud, to proud to draw my heart out But its time I remember that my heart is still taken Its time I admitted that my heart has a field of wild pain Its time I admitted that I was hypnotized by the strange pain that had been trapped in my heart Its time I admitted that as I watched love ride away through clouds of steam, my heart fell into a dusty pit I gotta admit that every bit of me remembers you I remember us climbing in the staircase of love But I pulled away halfway through the stairs I was blinded by past stares But I'm here once again and I remember us 23/8/2014 Liz Leppy

FRAGILE POEM

A fragile poem defeated by fleeting flings, There was us But each day has it own spice And we're done It started when a raw, undeniable slow-building love chased up in the valley of sin You gave me many of your content in our first kiss You said the words of love that had no backbone but I was blind You chased the rhythm of my heart and captured my heartbeats You gave me solar when life was cold to me You had this golden charm that stitched me back into one piece I knew love was sinproof but I sent away the truth all in the name of "love" You, an angel that came to my shaken earth with streams of light and you went straight into my heart Whenever emptiness threatened to take over, you swam me up to your safe and warm arms There was enough rawness in my heart so I couldn't stop the games I'm not entirely to blame though Ours was a part of this modern love that is not sound. That kind where 'I LOVE YOU" is perfectly polished in harm Right now, there is angry, unstoppable emotions in my heart. My heart is heavily bleeding and I'm missing some pieces of myself. How could I let go of my guards and expose all my hope and flaws? I taught you the way of my soul and showed you all my fears God damn it, I sang lullaby to your tears But now, it hurts so much. See I'm behind this highlight of love I'm standing right in the capital of pain And his body is ugly to stand on How could I love you this deep? How could I learn to cut my wrists deep like this? How could I expose so wide open all that was meant to stay inside? Here, a vulnerable me, I'm weak than I have ever been in life. Enjoy me as much as you can. You deserve me, you took your biggest risk. Reach deeper in my soul and grab out what's left of my dim light. I'm tired of fighting. Complete me with sting because I know I deserve to be fulfilled by this kind of heat. 21/9/2014 Liz Leppy